Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
