I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
