I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
