So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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