i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
