i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
