why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
