I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
