i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
