it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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