It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
