I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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