She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize