I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
