I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
