i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
