I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
