I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
