just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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