the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
