Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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