i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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