I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I understand Curling. That high.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
