you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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