Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
