you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
why do cheetos always look like penises
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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