Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
