His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I love having hate sex.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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