there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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