Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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