i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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