I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
