you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
