Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
