Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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