Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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