Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
