Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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