Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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