I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
