I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
