Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
