Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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