you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize