I met the friendliest cop last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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