is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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