Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
