Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
