just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
