You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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