OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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