My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
