i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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