Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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