i would punch a child for taco bell
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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