Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
