the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
