So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
