Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
