I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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