im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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