your parents love me but you hate me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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