I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
