So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
