Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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