i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
