her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
