you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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