I need help removing her.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize