you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
